We’ve all been there; scrolling through social media or speaking with friends, and suddenly, it feels like everyone is moving ahead. Friends buying their first home, landing promotions, planning their next holiday.

We also get it; what we see is the best bits, not the whole story. Yet even with this knowledge, the pressure to keep up is real.

The truth is, the road to progress isn’t about keeping up with others. It’s about finding the path that works for you.

The subtle barrier to progress

In mediation, whether you’re navigating a family breakup, a workplace conflict, or co-parenting challenges, comparison can quietly derail resolution. It often shows up as resistance, blame, or entitlement, because we’re not just negotiating with each other, we’re reacting to invisible comparisons in our heads.

And in many cases, it’s these internal comparisons (not the conflict itself) that blocks progress.

Why comparison creeps in

When life feels stuck or uncertain, it’s natural to look sideways rather than forward. In mediation, this can look like:

• Measuring your compromise against someone else’s situation
• Wanting a “fair” outcome based on what others have received
• Why should I be the one to change when they won’t?

It’s human nature to want fairness, however, measuring ourselves against others rarely helps. It clouds our thinking, deepens conflict, and stalls resolution.

The emotional weight of comparison

Comparison can stir up emotions that prevent us from finding a solution. When we measure ourselves against others, we typically experience one of two reactions:

• Feeling superior: This can lead to dismissiveness, a need to “win,” or an unwillingness to compromise.
• Feeling inadequate: This often brings defensiveness, shame, or disengagement.

Both reactions escalate conflict rather than resolve it.

When we stop comparing ourselves to others, we create space for what really matters:

• Clearer conversations
• Decisions grounded in your needs and values
• A future that fits you (not someone else’s version)

Escaping the comparison trap

Letting go of comparison is a skill and it starts here.

• Reframe the process
  Think of mediation as a planning session, not a blame game. Focus on solutions, not fault.
• Stay present
  The past can’t be changed. The real progress lies in what can be done now, with the situation you’re both in today.
• Focus on what matters most
  In family mediation, this could be the children. In life, your values, goals, or well-being. Identify what truly matters to you.
• Work with the process
  Use the mediator to help re-centre things when comparison takes over. Trust that support.

Letting go of comparison isn’t about tuning others out, it’s about reconnecting with what matters to you.

Remove the real obstacle

Comparison isn’t just unhelpful, but it’s often the biggest barrier to progress. The breakthrough comes when we start focusing on being better for ourselves.

Find your own path. Create something that fits you.