Child-inclusive mediation can lead to more child-focused outcomes and help parents understand how to manage their child’s opinions, behaviours and emotions.

What is Child-Inclusive Mediation?

Child-inclusive mediation (CIM) gives children an opportunity to have their voices heard and bring their perspective into the mediation process. Areas which could be explored with the child include:

• Proposed arrangements for their future
• How they might be feeling about the changes happening in the family
• If they have ideas they want to tell their parents which would help them through the process.
• Anything they want to tell their parents which they may not be able to do on their own

It is not about having the child make decisions or being given impossible choices.

How does it work?

• The mediator meets with the parents to discuss their concerns and needs and would assess if CIM would be appropriate for the case.
• If CIM is suitable, consent is required from both parents and agreement from the child is also needed. The mediator will discuss with both parents the best way to contact the child.
• The mediator, who must be specially trained as a child consultant, will meet with the child separately where they can give their views. This is their opportunity to say what they like and what they feel might help them.
• The mediator will provide feedback to the parents about anything the child wants to tell them. The session between the child and mediator is confidential (with the exception of safe-guarding concerns). The mediator will only feedback what has been agreed with the child, and nothing else.

Managing negative feedback

This is one of the biggest worries for parents and can cause anxiety. Negative feedback from the child will be difficult to hear, however it does not change what the child wants the parents to know.

Being prepared for the feedback is important and as a mediator, I will always go through questions with parents beforehand, for example “what would be the worst thing you might hear” or “how would you deal with hearing information you did not like”

The feedback is there for parents to explore and discuss options based on what they might have heard.

The Benefits

• Empowering for a child – There is strong evidence that children being involved arises in a better outcome for the child and enables them to better manage the process.
• Communication – I often hear parents say they don’t want their children involved as they want to protect them. However, the impact of not giving a child information they may want or need can be detrimental. he child will often make their own assumptions, feel left out, or may have an opinion and feel that they are not being heard or listened to.
• Children understand more than we realise – by not giving them accurate and timely information they want or attempts by adults to hide what is going on can cause significant stress for children.
• It isn’t easy for a child to talk directly with their parents about difficult topics. In many cases, children tell each parent what they want to hear, as they don’t want to disappoint or feel guilty or make the situation worse.
• Ideas and options – Children, especially older ones, may have ideas that parents haven’t thought of.

Case for CIM

It is worth noting that children involved in any type of family case in family courts may be asked their views during court proceedings. This might be through meetings, or via their Children and Families Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) officer or social worker.

A research study exploring children’s experience of divorce stated:

Children want to be told what is going on and consulted on the important decisions that are made about them during this life-altering time. Regaining cognitive control of events was central to most children’s attempts to regain a new ‘steady state’ and being left out of discussions tended to increase anxiety and upset. (Source: Children’s Involvement in their Parents’ Divorce: Implications for Practice: Children & Society Vol. 16)  

Child-inclusive mediation is a powerful tool that empowers children to have a voice in family disputes and provides families with the support they need to resolve conflicts in a collaborative manner.

If you would like to find out more about CIM, how a child might be engaged depending on their age, and more about the process, please get in touch via the Contact Us page.